Today is tough. Can I think of something positive? My heart aches today for my failing and for the consequences of that failing. Not my own consequences but the consequences suffered by my family.
Wow! I got interrupted and came back and read that. Is that selfish and prideful? I think when I wrote that, I was trying to sound all humble and repentant. It sounds more like another "everything is about me" statement though.
Okay. . . . . I want my children to be perfect for me. Therefore, if they are "perfect" I will look "perfect" because they came from me.
I know that is not true. but I want it to be. So now that my kids have made a few mistakes and "don't look so perfect" I am going to blame it on me too.
My thoughts are not even making sense to me. This is so confusing. Am I crazy? I wonder, I wonder if I will ever be sane.
Okay....so back to my poor choices. Those same kids, will someday come to understand that I am human. I have really screwed up. I have made terrible mistakes. I am not responsible for the choices they make as adults. I love them. I can work on loving them better. I can work on taking care of myself better. I can learn to understand Heavenly Fathers love.
So guys. My life is going to be shorter because of my choices. I may need assistance from you as my health deteriorates from my obesity. I am sorry. I am going to try and lose weight. But I can not do it to save you the heart ache of caring for me or losing me or not having me as available as I should be now. I have to do because Heavenly Father commanded us to take care of our bodies. Because He has commanded us to develop control of our natural man. And because I will be blessed. Because I will grow spiritually. Because I will feel better physically. Because I will have clearer thoughts.
Is That positive. Is this appropriate for this blog... I wonder . I think I will post it anyway.
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